today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
