girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
