you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The beer is more important than you right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
