If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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