No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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