i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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