Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
