Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
