I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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