Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
