Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
