Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
