Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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