I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
