Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
