just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
