this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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