pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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