Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
