Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
