no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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