It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
