Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
