update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My bed smells like the plague
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
