We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
