please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
