I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
