so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
