My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
