Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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