If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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