he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
