none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I met the friendliest cop last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize