Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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