Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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