I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
