only you would photoshop your dick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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