That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
