I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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