Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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