just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
