I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can I color on your dick again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
