Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
