do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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