I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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