who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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