I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
