ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
