8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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