I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
