Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
