I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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