I look better un-naked...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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