I am spending my child support on dildos
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
