Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
