I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
