Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
