We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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