After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you inspire me to be a worse person
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
