So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
