You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
