Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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