I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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