It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
