I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize