That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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