So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
